My Coming Out Story

Let me get this thing straight, we don’t need to come out. We have the right to keep it to ourselves and not feel pressured by other people wanting to know who we are. Late ko na yan na-realize. Pero di ko pinagsisisihan na naging totoo ako sa pamilya, sa mga kamag-anak, at sa mga kaibigan ko kasi ang sarap nya sa pakiramdam.

Kailan ko nga ba naramdaman na mayroong hindi “typical” sakin? And by not typical, I meant like unusual and different from what we were told as we grow up, from what we saw on tv and movies. Nasa elementary ako noon nung nakaramdam ako ng paghanga sa kapwa ko lalaki. Crush kumbaga. Pero wala akong pinagsasabihan kasi ang pagtingin ko noon ay mali iyon at talagang di ko in-entertain yung thought. Nagtuloy yun hanggang high school. Kahit other part of me likes boys, nagka-girlfriends ako non. And I also liked that feeling, I also like girls. I experienced na may nag dump sakin na girl. I experienced being rejected nung nag ask ako kung pwede akong manligaw. I experienced puppy love with a girl. Nakakatuwa sa pakiramdam na naranasan ko iyong mga bagay na yon.

But at the back of my young, immature mind: I need to get to know myself even more. I need to explore.

With things like this, where is the best place to explore? Manila.

2011. I started studying in San Beda-Mendiola for College. It is the year when I opened up myself to meeting guys and realizing my identity. The first guy I dated was a nurse. I met him on Facebook. Ganon pala yung feeling na expressing your attraction to the same sex. Ang daming adjustments kasi nga we’re both guys. Di ko alam paano o anong gagawin. Ang alam ko lang, gusto ko sya kahit lalaki sya at masaya ako. Sa kanya ko na-experience yung first kiss sa guy.

Pero dahil nga less knowledgeable ako at ang bata ko nun (lame excuse, I know), umayaw ako at nag stop kami mag date. Di ko rin masabi kung anong gusto ko – relationship, fun, or experiment lang.

2011 or 2012. I had my first boyfriend. It didn’t work out well, I think 3 months lang kami.

2014. Nag level up ako sa next boyfriend ko. We started talking naman on Instagram. Naalala ko yung first date namin, we watched Bride for Rent of Kim Chiu and Xian Lim. We had a good run actually.

Hindi ko pa sya napapakilala nun kila Mama. Medyo naramdaman ko na parang teka alam na yata nila Mama na may boyfriend ako nung time na tahimik at bad mood ako. Sabi sakin ni Mama at Ate, “Bakit ka ganyan? Magkaaway ba sila Vincent at Eric?” Mga characters sa My Husband’s Lover noon. Nagulat ako nung tinanong nila sakin yan. Tawa lang yung reaksyon ko. Natuwa ako actually.

Then this one night came. I arrived home from a date. Me and Ate were living together in an apartment here in Manila. She asked me where I have been to and that Mama is looking for me and whom I with. I said that I was with a friend.

Continue reading “My Coming Out Story”

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Imagination, Reality, History, and Sublimation in Art Fair PH 2018

I, together with my friends since College, Joie and Angelo, went to the Art Fair Philippines 2018 held last March 1-4 in The Link, Ayala Center, Makati. Continue reading “Imagination, Reality, History, and Sublimation in Art Fair PH 2018”

CMBYN – favorite scene!!!

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Definitely one of my favorite scenes in the movie.

Ang relatable nya lang. Alam nyo yung feeling na masaya ka lang, sobrang masaya lang, kasi kasama mo yung taong mahal mo. Mapa-lunch or dinner date, travelling, doing weird and nonsense things, even just laying around doing nothing. Oo weird na ngingiti ka na lang bigla bigla pero kasi uncontrollable eh, undescribable yung feeling. Umaapaw yung saya. Kontento ka. Priceless moments yung mga ganito kaya dapat tini-treasure natin. Pati yung kasama mo, priceless.

– Call Me by Your Name (2017)

Call Me By Your Name.

Some things in our lives happen only once.

There are chances and risks which we take, there are some which we don’t. It is fascinating and frightening at the same having this thought of what could have happened if you did this, if you did that. Fear stands in the way and holds us back from doing the things that will make our hearts happy. Fear of non-acceptance from family, friends. Doubts in morality. Instability in life. These thoughts and many others come along with our self-discovery. It’s for us to figure it out; on how we will manage to be true to ourselves, to accept who we are, and to live a life based on how we want it to be. Continue reading “Call Me By Your Name.”

Please Like Me.

Okay, so I just finished watching Please Like Me, an Australian gay-themed TV series, and I loved it! Karl started watching it so I joined him however I disliked it at first since I found the main character, Josh, egoistic and insensitive but things changed eventually (I don’t want to spoil) and I fell in love with it.

To give you a brief description about the series, it was produced by Australian Broadcasting Corporation (ABC) and ran from 2013-2016. Oh yes darlings, it ended already – and yeah it sucks! It wrapped up last 2016 and I just got to watch it this 2018. Though, I can say that it is still so relevant at this time. Additionally, Josh Thomas, who played as Josh, was also the creator, writer, and executive producer of the critically-acclaimed series. Continue reading “Please Like Me.”

Charice is now Jake Zyrus

Just this month, we heard about the news that Charice Pempengco is now Jake Zyrus. Dude, what an inspiration! You are standing up for yourself, your life, and your happiness – and nobody could stop you.

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A friend broke my heart.

Friends break up. It’s not exclusive to people in a relationship, also for those who share and celebrate friendship with each other.

You broke my heart when you moved on with your life without me. Isn’t it possible that you bring me along? Isn’t it possible that in the new chapter of your life, with tougher challenges and greater experiences, an old friend could be in it as well?

All I know was that I planned to include you in mine. Continue reading “A friend broke my heart.”