Para sa ginamit at ginago. #GrindrStory

Naaawa ako sa close friend ko na nag fail na naman sa bago nyang dine-date.

Friend: He’s the one na beshy. Feeling ko ito na yun.

Then all of a sudden, after niyang isuko ang Bataan, biglang naging cold hanggang sa tuluyan nang nawala. Matagal pa raw syang nagtiis bago makipag-sex don kasi nga naniwala syang pang-seryosohan. Ayun pala, gaguhan at gamitan lang.

Matagal na rin syang walang jowa. Ang tagal na niyang naghihintay at umaasa sa mga nakikilala nya pero wala eh.

Eto ngang “he’s the one” nya, sa Grindr nya nakilala. Nanghingi sya ng advice sa akin kung tingin ko ba may seryoso don sa app na yon or puros sex lang ang habol.

Continue reading “Para sa ginamit at ginago. #GrindrStory”

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My Coming Out Story

Let me get this thing straight, we don’t need to come out. We have the right to keep it to ourselves and not feel pressured by other people wanting to know who we are. Late ko na yan na-realize. Pero di ko pinagsisisihan na naging totoo ako sa pamilya, sa mga kamag-anak, at sa mga kaibigan ko kasi ang sarap nya sa pakiramdam.

Kailan ko nga ba naramdaman na mayroong hindi “typical” sakin? And by not typical, I meant like unusual and different from what we were told as we grow up, from what we saw on tv and movies. Nasa elementary ako noon nung nakaramdam ako ng paghanga sa kapwa ko lalaki. Crush kumbaga. Pero wala akong pinagsasabihan kasi ang pagtingin ko noon ay mali iyon at talagang di ko in-entertain yung thought. Nagtuloy yun hanggang high school. Kahit other part of me likes boys, nagka-girlfriends ako non. And I also liked that feeling, I also like girls. I experienced na may nag dump sakin na girl. I experienced being rejected nung nag ask ako kung pwede akong manligaw. I experienced puppy love with a girl. Nakakatuwa sa pakiramdam na naranasan ko iyong mga bagay na yon.

But at the back of my young, immature mind: I need to get to know myself even more. I need to explore.

With things like this, where is the best place to explore? Manila.

2011. I started studying in San Beda-Mendiola for College. It is the year when I opened up myself to meeting guys and realizing my identity. The first guy I dated was a nurse. I met him on Facebook. Ganon pala yung feeling na expressing your attraction to the same sex. Ang daming adjustments kasi nga we’re both guys. Di ko alam paano o anong gagawin. Ang alam ko lang, gusto ko sya kahit lalaki sya at masaya ako. Sa kanya ko na-experience yung first kiss sa guy.

Pero dahil nga less knowledgeable ako at ang bata ko nun (lame excuse, I know), umayaw ako at nag stop kami mag date. Di ko rin masabi kung anong gusto ko – relationship, fun, or experiment lang.

2011 or 2012. I had my first boyfriend. It didn’t work out well, I think 3 months lang kami.

2014. Nag level up ako sa next boyfriend ko. We started talking naman on Instagram. Naalala ko yung first date namin, we watched Bride for Rent of Kim Chiu and Xian Lim. We had a good run actually.

Hindi ko pa sya napapakilala nun kila Mama. Medyo naramdaman ko na parang teka alam na yata nila Mama na may boyfriend ako nung time na tahimik at bad mood ako. Sabi sakin ni Mama at Ate, “Bakit ka ganyan? Magkaaway ba sila Vincent at Eric?” Mga characters sa My Husband’s Lover noon. Nagulat ako nung tinanong nila sakin yan. Tawa lang yung reaksyon ko. Natuwa ako actually.

Then this one night came. I arrived home from a date. Me and Ate were living together in an apartment here in Manila. She asked me where I have been to and that Mama is looking for me and whom I with. I said that I was with a friend.

Continue reading “My Coming Out Story”

CMBYN – favorite scene!!!

elio whatoliver nothing

Definitely one of my favorite scenes in the movie.

Ang relatable nya lang. Alam nyo yung feeling na masaya ka lang, sobrang masaya lang, kasi kasama mo yung taong mahal mo. Mapa-lunch or dinner date, travelling, doing weird and nonsense things, even just laying around doing nothing. Oo weird na ngingiti ka na lang bigla bigla pero kasi uncontrollable eh, undescribable yung feeling. Umaapaw yung saya. Kontento ka. Priceless moments yung mga ganito kaya dapat tini-treasure natin. Pati yung kasama mo, priceless.

– Call Me by Your Name (2017)

A friend broke my heart.

Friends break up. It’s not exclusive to people in a relationship, also for those who share and celebrate friendship with each other.

You broke my heart when you moved on with your life without me. Isn’t it possible that you bring me along? Isn’t it possible that in the new chapter of your life, with tougher challenges and greater experiences, an old friend could be in it as well?

All I know was that I planned to include you in mine. Continue reading “A friend broke my heart.”

A Year Ago

2017

Are you not fascinated by the fact that exactly a year ago, same date last year, your life was different from the life you are living now? It might be the workplace, the house you live in, your friends, family, relatives, even boyfriend or girlfriend. One way or another, something has changed.

I feel much amazement with the mere fact that I have a different life one year ago.

A year ago, 2015, I was just entering the corporate world after I passed the board exam for Psychometricians. A fresh meat in the jungle of professionals. A pathetic amateur. I didn’t know where I got my bravery to drag myself inside the corporate office TO WORK. To finally say to myself, “I’m earning.”

A year after, 2016, I am now working in a start-up company with 7 team members here in Manila branch and 2 team members from Cebu and Davao branches. So to speak, I miss working in a company with more than a hundred employees because I get to see and interact with a lot of people everyday compared to my current company. Nonetheless, I can say that I’m happier with my job duties and responsibilities since I get to practice my license as a Psychomet and I believe that we are a growing company and will add more employees in the near future.

Continue reading “A Year Ago”

Ang Pag-ibig ay Tapat

My Bromance (2014) [Apolocine.blogspot][(068414)17-29-52]

Anu-ano nga ba ang ating gusto
Sa pag-ibig na di pilit at totoo
Tao nga nama’y kanya-kanya
Ang pita nitong makita at madama

Nais mo ba iyong kiss sa public
Kahit sa paligid ay maraming adik
Iiwan nya ito para ika’y may maitago
Tao sa paligid ay lumalabo

Iyong kasama ka sa mga plano
Ikaw ay kanyang paborito
Kahit di mo hinihiling
Lagi syang katabi at kapiling

Iyong ipapakilala ka sa mga magulang
Upang ang pagsasama’y di kulang
Tanggap kayo ng kanyang pamilya
Daga sa dibdib ay kayang-kaya

Iyong ipapakilala ka sa mga kaibigan
Walang arteng hahalikan at hahagkan
Sa harap nilang hindi namimintas
Dahil ang tunay na kaibigan ay patas

Iyong kahit wala kayong ginagawa
Nakasalampak sa sofa at nakatunganga
Magkahawak ang kamay o magkayakap
Pawang mga isipa’y nasa alapaap

Iyong nakikinig at sumasabay
Sa mga kantang puno ng saysay
Ang titik at tono
Tagos hanggang puso

Marahil ang mga ito ay di pa sapat
Marami pa kayong gustong isatsat
Basta’t tandaan na ang pag-ibig
Mula sa puso’t gawa, di sa bibig

Ating isapuso at ikalat
Pinakamahalaga dapat
Upang tanan ay sapat
Ang pag-ibig ay tapat