To The One Who Were Left Behind

Certainly, we cannot control if people would come and go into our lives. For months, even weeks, they are with us and then poof, all gone. Fighting for them to stay is a choice we should make, but for how long? Do they deserve to have a spot in our lives, or we just need to let go?

In a world full of mistakes, missed chances, and moving on, are things still worth fighting for?

I know a separated woman who has been largely hurt by a man and swore that she will never let a man make her feel that way. I salute her! I believe we should not depend on anyone, especially for our happiness’ sake. Undeniably, pain makes us tougher. It transforms us into someone we never thought we could be.

On the contrary, there is this guy whose despite the failed relationships and dates, keeps on believing in “love”. Notwithstanding all the money spent, wasted effort, and faded flowers. Unwavering optimism and trust are apparent.

I have my fair share of being left behind and leaving people behind. It’s not a good experience having someone whom you cared so much broke his/her promises. Someone special who brought light into your world then suddenly killed it. On my side, it made me hard to trust again. I cannot choose when love would come, but I can choose people whom deserve my trust.

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Who would like the feeling of being pushed beside; making you feel like someone’s way better than you; and that you’re unworthy of the time and appreciation?
 
No one.

With all the bad experiences, guarding ourselves and putting protective barriers are the best solutions in order for us not to reiterate bad experiences. We walk in a new direction after all the misdirection.

We do not become our personal villain when we stop fighting. When we stop chasing people. When we stop begging for them to come back. We let ourselves move forward; heal hastily; and make things for our own benefit and growth. We must not let other people ruin our lives.

Yes, things are still worth fighting for – albeit the mistakes, missed chances, and moving on – but with the right person. It’s not right for us to restrain ourselves with our happiness just because the wrong people exposed us to heartache and mistrust. Let’s give the right person the right amount of love he/she deserves. Being with a new person includes a new love story that we’re hoping to have a happy ending.

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A Year Ago

2017

Are you not fascinated by the fact that exactly a year ago, same date last year, your life was different from the life you are living now? It might be the workplace, the house you live in, your friends, family, relatives, even boyfriend or girlfriend. One way or another, something has changed.

I feel much amazement with the mere fact that I have a different life one year ago.

A year ago, 2015, I was just entering the corporate world after I passed the board exam for Psychometricians. A fresh meat in the jungle of professionals. A pathetic amateur. I didn’t know where I got my bravery to drag myself inside the corporate office TO WORK. To finally say to myself, “I’m earning.”

A year after, 2016, I am now working in a start-up company with 7 team members here in Manila branch and 2 team members from Cebu and Davao branches. So to speak, I miss working in a company with more than a hundred employees because I get to see and interact with a lot of people everyday compared to my current company. Nonetheless, I can say that I’m happier with my job duties and responsibilities since I get to practice my license as a Psychomet and I believe that we are a growing company and will add more employees in the near future.

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Ang Pag-ibig ay Tapat

My Bromance (2014) [Apolocine.blogspot][(068414)17-29-52]

Anu-ano nga ba ang ating gusto
Sa pag-ibig na di pilit at totoo
Tao nga nama’y kanya-kanya
Ang pita nitong makita at madama

Nais mo ba iyong kiss sa public
Kahit sa paligid ay maraming adik
Iiwan nya ito para ika’y may maitago
Tao sa paligid ay lumalabo

Iyong kasama ka sa mga plano
Ikaw ay kanyang paborito
Kahit di mo hinihiling
Lagi syang katabi at kapiling

Iyong ipapakilala ka sa mga magulang
Upang ang pagsasama’y di kulang
Tanggap kayo ng kanyang pamilya
Daga sa dibdib ay kayang-kaya

Iyong ipapakilala ka sa mga kaibigan
Walang arteng hahalikan at hahagkan
Sa harap nilang hindi namimintas
Dahil ang tunay na kaibigan ay patas

Iyong kahit wala kayong ginagawa
Nakasalampak sa sofa at nakatunganga
Magkahawak ang kamay o magkayakap
Pawang mga isipa’y nasa alapaap

Iyong nakikinig at sumasabay
Sa mga kantang puno ng saysay
Ang titik at tono
Tagos hanggang puso

Marahil ang mga ito ay di pa sapat
Marami pa kayong gustong isatsat
Basta’t tandaan na ang pag-ibig
Mula sa puso’t gawa, di sa bibig

Ating isapuso at ikalat
Pinakamahalaga dapat
Upang tanan ay sapat
Ang pag-ibig ay tapat

Can I Stay Here Forever?

Just after me and my girlfriends, Kate and Amanda, had our chill drinking at The Fort, I asked them to go to this place in San Juan where it sells ice cream and pizza. What a combination, right? Also, it is open ‘til the wee hours of the night. We always do this whenever we go out and drink or party to calm the intoxication and to eat also.

Amanda brought her car because she doesn’t drink and there’s zero chance for her drunk driving afterwards. I and Kate are total opposite of her. We drink and sometimes get really drunk; we simultaneously do that actually so one can take care of the other. No joke. Going back, Amanda drove to San Juan. Kate is very drunk while I am intoxicated; my vision is not 20/20 anymore. As we arrive in the place, we went directly to this long couch near the counter. It is really cozy in here. Kate immediately lie down; I sit because still, there is kahihiyan in my body. The girl and guy on the other end of the couch laughed at Kate. I think they’re a couple.

I faced them and jokingly said: “Don’t judge her. She’s drunk.” Amanda ordered for us. I told Amanda I want banana split. We got the 4-cheese pizza. Drunk Kate can’t even tell us what she wants. She said kayo na bahala. Amanda sat between me and Kate after ordering.

Amanda: Kate, what’s good? Kaya pa?
Kate: Yeah just give me some minutes.
Amanda: Get up now, the orders are coming and you should eat.

The waiter served the pizza and we ate. As we are ready to eat the ice cream, we called the attention of the waiter to bring them out. The coldness of the ice cream felt so good in the throat, but I think not so good enough to ease my headache so I lay my head down.

Amanda: Are you okay, Louis?
Me: Yes I’m good, don’t worry.

My head slowly slips from lying down. I didn’t know that the guy from the other side of the couch moved towards me because his friend is going to the bathroom. And so my head falls on his shoulder. It feels so good that I didn’t escape from the moment.

Amanda: Uy Louis, umayos ka. Nakakahiya sa kanya. (laughs)

I look upward to see the face of the guy because I haven’t seen it clearly and to assess his reaction. The guy is really good-looking and charming. He is wearing a cap, all his hair is under it so you can indeed have a good view of his face. I like wearing cap and seeing cute guys wear cap because it reveals the features of the face alike when the girls are in ponytails. Going back at him, his braces add cuteness to his face especially when he smiles looking at me. I moved back enough for him not to smell my alcoholic breath.

“Is it okay?” I told him with a feeling of kilig and hiya. “Yeah, no worries. Just lay down. How are you feeling?” He answered immediately.

Me: Just having a headache.
Him: It’s because of the drinks you had.
Me: Yeah, we’ve been to the Fort a while ago. Just a chill drink. How about you and your girlfriend? You guys are studying?
Him: Noooo! She’s not my girlfriend. (laughs) She is a very good friend of mine.
Me: Ohhh, I thought you guys are a couple since I saw you when we arrived.
Him: Nah, we aren’t. Anyway, I’m Kevin.
Me: I’m Louis.

We shook hands. His hand is really soft.

Me: (pointing to Amanda and Kate) Kevin, this is Amanda and Kate. Amanda and Kate, this is Kevin.

Kevin’s friend came back from the wash room. He introduced us his friend Lucie. Afterwards, Kate is feeling better already and we decided to bring her home. But I have a problem: my apartment has a curfew that’s why the gate is already closed and my landlady is in deep sleep now for sure. How/where will I spend the night? I didn’t notice that Kevin has heard my “world war dilemma”, he barged in in our conversation.

“You can stay in my condo. It’s in Quezon City and I’m alone there.” Kevin said, I am surprised and don’t know what to respond.

Amanda: Okay, problem solved?
Me: Uhm…. Are you sure? Uhm…. Is it not a problem me spending the night at your place? Wait…
Kevin: Yeah, no problem. Please stay the night, so that I wouldn’t be alone too?

After minutes of weighing, thinking, and feeling kilig, I answered yes. But I told him that I should make sure first that Kate will be home safely and he suggested that we will be driving behind Amanda’s car until Kate is home before we drive to his condo. Anyway, Kate’s house is in QC and it’s near his condo so it’s not hassle.

After we sent Kate’s home, we went to his condo. His unit is in the 15th floor, room 1506. It smells so good inside and it looks so nice as well. His creativity is largely exposed in his room. He has artworks, cut-outs from magazines, and some DIY posted on the wall. The pictures of him and his family are also displayed. I am seeing the soul of this person, and it is beautiful.

As he takes a shower, I sit and think what will happen tonight. Are we going to sleep already? Are we going to talk then sleep? Are we going to have sex? Are we going to have sex, talk, and then sleep? I don’t know what will happen but I’m hoping it will be hella night.

He went out of the shower with just a towel tied around his waist. He has a hot body. Even his chest is not that big and toned, he has six-pack abs and some toned biceps. He is yummy.

After I took a shower, I wore the sleeping clothes that he lent me. I don’t know the point of taking these clothes on if we’re going to take them off eventually. Just kidding.

Kevin is lying already and made a head signal asking me to join him on the bed and so I did. I lay beside him and hug him. He gave me a kiss on the head. After that, he played some indie playlist on Spotify and I’m telling you, those songs made the night more special and different. The melody and lyrics of indie music are genuine. We can say that the composer put enough, if not too much, heart on the song. While listening, I’m like floating…..with my eyes closed, his right hand on my back, left hand holding mine, and our bodies pressed against each other. Times like these I ask, can I stay here forever?

Have you ever experience something so special that your heart beats so fast and the moment go slow mo? Battle of opposites, isn’t it? Too good to be true, but it’s happening. Your love story is happening.

Me: Can I stay here forever?
Kevin: No, you can’t….

“Uhh okay” then I tried to get off the hug but he pulled me back again. “….but you can have it in your memory forever.” He laughed, I smiled.

Kevin: Why did you drink with your friends tonight?
Me: Actually, I asked them out to join me because I’m having a problem…
Kevin: A problem… what kind of problem, family, friends, work?
Me: None of what you have said.
Kevin: Ahhhh. So maybe your problem is a boy, right?

Me: Yes, right. I have these friends who are a couple and they broke up. This boy asked me out to stay up all night, have fun, drink, and party. He said he wants to forget about his ex and as a concerned friend, I went out with him. After we had our dinner, we went to a club to drink. As we were dancing, he kissed me and told me that he broke up with his ex because he likes me. I was shocked. But honestly, I like him as well since he was with his ex. I didn’t entertain what I’m feeling because I know that’s the right thing to do. I felt very happy when he told me that. After that night, we kept in touch through call and text. Days after, he told me that he was going to meet his ex and talk. I asked him if it’s for closure and he said he doesn’t know what’s going to happen and will update me. After they have talked and he arrived home, he told me that they are okay and back together.

Even if for a short time we had, it broke my heart. Pain is not measured by the length of time but by the special feelings and moments that you have shared together. Sobrang panget lang talaga sa pakiramdam na ikaw yung di pinili noh? Na ikaw yung tinapon.

Kevin…..you still up?

Kevin: Yes, I am. You’re right; being the second option is the worst feeling. But I guess you’re better now?
Me: I am. Who wouldn’t feel better with you next to his side?
Kevin: You’re sweet.

Me: Kevin, there is something very special about you.
Kevin: About me?? What is it?

Me: I mean…..I like you.

Kevin: I like you too, Louis.

I looked at him so that he can sense that I’m aiming for a kiss on the lips. He looked at me, put his hand on my side, and kissed me. Fireworks and magic happened. After the first kiss, we went for another, then another, and another, so on and so forth.

Continue reading “Can I Stay Here Forever?”